Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
