having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
