Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you would pick up someone in the library
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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