You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Randomize
