So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
