fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
soo... how was my night?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
