Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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