I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
