You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
