Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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