Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
