Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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