I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
