Hey man sorry I got all grabby
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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