The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
