Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
