census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
