I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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