My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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