Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize