he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
