if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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