He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
