I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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