I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Less talking, more tequila
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
