That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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