I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
