So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
