ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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