I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
