I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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