I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
