Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
