Nicole vs. Life
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
