I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
