Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
