My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize