I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
