I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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