Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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