"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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