I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
