They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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