lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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