I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize