1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
