Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
