Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
