what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
