im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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