everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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