There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
