So gin and wine won't be happening again
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize