I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
