I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
