I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
