I'm pants shitting drunk right now
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
