I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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