They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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