Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Randomize
