dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
