I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We need to get me chipped asap
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
