remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He did a backflip because drugs
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
