Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
