Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize