Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
