I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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