you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
