ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
