can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Green mimosas i think yes
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
3pm strippers are depressing
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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