Me. At least after what I've been through.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
