Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
