not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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