I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
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