last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize