I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
