The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Text me some of your sweat
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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