Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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