You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She bit a glass in half.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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