Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
