Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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