Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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