another moral hangover. fuck.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
