It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
