Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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