his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
