Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Can you repeat that, but with context?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
