I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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